Cultural Differences: Surprise Visitors and Spur-of-the-Moment Plans

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We've all seen a romantic comedy or TV movie where the love interest offers the heroine the clichéd spontaneous trip invitation: "Come to Paris with me, tonight.  My jet is waiting on the airstrip."  The heroine, of course, accepts right away.  Who wouldn't?!?  It's so unexpected and extravagant!  It'll tell you who probably wouldn't: me.  It has taken me some time to come to terms with the fact that I am not a spontaneous person.  After all, it's often portrayed in pop culture that flying by the seat of one's pants is glamorous.  Call me a bore, but I like to know ahead of time when something is going to happen.  Our move to Brazil was something we talked about hypothetically for YEARS before it actually happened.  Much like the Scouts, I prefer to "be prepared."  This is something about my personality that I feel has only been amplified since having a child.

Well, this is just not how things work in Brazil.  When we first arrived here, there was a revolving door of aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, etc. showing up unannounced to see Hubby and the baby.  I totally understood; Hubby had been away for years and everyone was itching to give him a great big hug and snuggle an adorable 6-month old baby.  I can't tell you how many pots of coffee I brewed during that time, as it is customary to at least offer guests coffee, even unexpected ones.

As an American, I foolishly assumed that the "new car smell" would eventually wear off and the surprise visits would end.  Boy was I wrong.  There are still days where we have 3 or 4 separate unexpected visits from family and friends.  I have entertained guests while wearing wrinkled pajamas covered in baby spit up and my hair looking like I stuck my finger in an electric outlet.  I have exited my son's room wearing only a nursing bra and some undies after nursing him to sleep and been forced to sprint to my bedroom because there is a surprise male visitor in the living room.  There can be a sink full of dirty dishes and the garbage pail piled high with diapers, and people stop on by to visit.  This can be rather anxiety-inducing for me.  But, as Hubby pointed out to me during a heated discussion about my dislike for these types of visits, "this isn't America where people make plans six years ahead of time."

I get it.  When in Rome, right?  But I don't need six years of lead time.  I just like to know if someone is coming over so I can put be sure to put on some pants, comb my hair, and make sure there is nothing in my teeth [amiright, people?].  As my older sister put it when I shared this cultural difference with her, "No more hanging around your house naked."  Indeed.

In addition to unplanned house guests, there are also spur-of-the-moment trips.  This stresses me out even more because with a baby, there's a lot more that goes into getting ready for a trip.  No longer can we simply throw some underwear and our toothbrushes into a plastic shopping bag and head out the door.  We need several outfits in case the baby has a blowout, at least a million diapers and wipes, burp clothes, snacks, sweatshirt/hat/socks in case it gets cold, toys, Sleepy Blanket, etc., etc., etc.  Still, I've gone on a few trips since getting here that were planned the day of departure.  Sometimes I think this happens because my husband is on the phone making plans with people in speed-of-light Portuguese and assumes I have understood it all.  I don't like to be the wife who asks what's going on immediately after my husband gets off the phone, but I kind of have to be that person just to stay ahead of the curve.

I do my best to roll with these things.  I try to say 'yes,' more often than I say 'no.'  I understand that I'm in a different country with different cultural practices.  Still, this is one of those things that I don't think I'll ever get used to, no matter how long we end up living here.

Have any of you ever experienced something like this while living in a foreign country?  What customs were difficult for you to deal with?